THE GUARDIAN

Just yesterday, biologist xXxXxGaMeZzBoNdxXxXx came up with a shocking theory. Following his discovery of a zombie with an overlengthened neck, Professor Bond began to furiously study zombie corpses.

After comparing zombie bones with those of an extinct species of giraffe called Tallneckasaurus, Professor Bond and his team discovered, "Very significant similarities."

For years, scientists have thought that zombies were resurrected human corpses. However, because of this new discovery, the theory is being reexamined for the first time.